What happens if your doula can’t make it to your birth?
I get asked in almost every prenatal meeting a very valid question: “What would happen if I go into labor, call you to tell you, and find that you’re unable to attend?”
Such a good question; such a rare event. BUT, I have a plan. I got you, Boo.
First, let me talk about some of what’s it’s like to be a doula. Doula’s burn out within a few years of starting at alarmingly high rates, because unlike doctors, nurses and midwives that do shift work, we are “on” all the time. We are always waiting and anticipating you. Always ready and waiting for your call to join you. We leave family dinners, birthday party’s and holidays to be with you. We have few black out days a year, always needing to be within ear shot of our phones, and hyper aware at all times that we might need to cancel or back out of events and commitments in our private lives at the very last second. People in our lives learn to hold plans with us loosely and give us a lot of grace for why we can’t commit fully to things, or that even if we do, we may be unreliable. Our children have to grow to understand that sometimes we’re going to miss family events, even their birthday parties. Not being able to leave town at the last minute on a surprise beach trip with your best friend, or checking your phone several times during a concert because your client just let you know she thinks she’s in labor, but isn’t sure yet, can really ware you down over time. We stay sober, we cancel our own doctors appointments, and things that matter to us deeply, because we care so much about being there for YOU! Truly, all doulas know the sacrifice, and get into the work with a lot of care for others.
Having doula friends that can partner with you to understand your journey, give you ideas and breaks is absolutely essential. Without other doulas in your corner that can cover you while you are heading into an important appointment, training, wedding or graduation, your work is unsustainable. Having solid, reliable and capable back up as a doula is essential to running a good good doula business. And vital to your own physical and mental health. I have been so fortunate to fall into alignment and partnership with many doulas, especially my back ups, Lizzy Garcia and Rachel Gathright. These woman are so solid, down to earth and passionate about birth, I would boldly and confidently trust my clients in their hands. Frankly, they are probably even better doulas than me, so if I “HAD” to send one of them in on my behalf, you’d be pretty hashtag blessed. They would absolutely not be a let down.
When it comes to calling in a back up doula on the day of labor, I tell my clients that it’s usually only needed for a few reasons. There may have been a day that popped up that I absolutely couldn’t miss an event, like a family wedding or my child’s graduation. That date I would alert you to ahead of time, and let you know that if you went into labor on that day, my back up would attend with you. The other two, more likely, but still rare reasons to call in a back up would be if I became very, very sick, (in which case you wouldn’t want me present) or I was already at another birth.
Missing your clients births happens very infrequently, maybe once every other year. But when it happens, it’s important for the back up doula to acknowledge to the client how disruptive and jarring the change in plans might feel to them. Birth already feels out of control in many ways, and to have a shift in your birth team at the last minute can be so discouraging. In the few times I’ve been needed as a back up, when I enter another doula’s client’s birth space, I always start by saying, “I’m so sorry that I’m the one here with you, and not the doula you chose and worked with your whole pregnancy. I know she would give anything to be here with you, and this change must be very hard to accept. I’m here with you now, and I’ll walk through this change, and anything else that comes our way.” The doula who booked the client has already shared their notes and given long descriptions of their clients wishes and fears so that when the back up walks into the birth space, she is as prepared and equipped as possible to step up into the role of being YOUR doula well. Doulas by trade are intuitive, caring and nurturing presences. So if your doula has a back up they trust, you can expect to be treated VERY well, with high levels of professionalism, tenderness and experienced care.
Working with multiple back up doulas gives all of us the peace of mind knowing that our clients are always going to be in secure hands.
Rest well, knowing that even if the “worst case scenario” happened, and I as your doula had an unforeseeable obstacle that prevented me from being with you at your birth, you would not be left alone. You would not be left in incapable or inexperienced hands. Your trust when you booked me was hard earned, and these doulas have blessed my life and I expect they would bless yours too, if you should ever find one at your birth instead of me.
Grace Evans
